It's not easy, but the truth is, it's SO difficult to keep a positive outlook sometimes when things are happening to you in life that is out of your control or when things hit you from seemingly out of nowhere. Learning how to deal with stress the best way that works for you is a critical life lesson.
For the past month, it's felt like whenever I turn around, something comes at me from outer space that knocks me flat on my duff. An unexpected car repair I hadn't had in the budget. An issue with my health insurance would cost me ten times per month or more to cover. Stressing about things to the point where my ‘day job' work suffered, I let down my manager and coworkers.
I know that these are “normal” things that happen to everyone, but I don't know if everyone deals with things the same. Some people find it easy to say, “Oh, well!” and move past it, knowing they'll figure it out. Other people may find themselves in the throes of sofa-junk food-Netflix-sleep cycles of depression for months.
For those of us with a creative nature, it can either get our juices flowing and shove us into creation mode in the same nonstop way anyone addicted to anything would. Other creatives may find themselves behind an immediate 400-foot iron wall.
I used to be the sofa-sleeping, creatively blocked person any time something happened that threw me for a loop. Sometimes, I still am. But I've learned how to deal with stress differently now.
It was far more frequent the case before I became a mom, but that was me. (And I'm sure someone who is reading this.)
Honestly, though – what gets me by these days happens in essentially the same order, every time. And once I began recognizing the pattern, it became easier to forge through and get to the good stuff at the end.
- Shock, rage, panic. The ‘thing' happens, I snowball from 0-60 in no time and get all the worst-case scenarios into the air. I breathe life into them just by blathering about it to someone – a friend, family member, even my boss.
- Some of them can talk me down. The one true thing – is I always figure it out. And while I always need reminding of that, sometimes I need help. Sometimes I have to figure out what I need and then ask for it. Most of the time, that last bit is the trickiest. And having people I trust is a huge factor that not everyone has.
Knowing how the people in your life deal with stress so you can see how their responses to yours are the way they are. Some of them listen and say something like, “Let's see what happens,” and that's it. They don't want to offer ideas because, at that point, my panic mode shoots everything down anyway. Sometimes this feels like they're abandoning me and don't ‘care' – but it's the opposite.
- I form a plan. Breathe. Trust myself and others that I will get through this. And survive.
- The most critical step. I LET GO AND SEEK JOY. Let me elaborate…
I have recently chosen to be completely disconnected from my technology on multiple weekends. I stayed off the phone, off work, and social media and focused on seeking joy – with my daughter. I took her for a bike ride, and we got some fresh air, marveling at nature.
We experimented with new art supplies. We baked cookies. We set timers for ourselves and cleaned parts of the house in under 20 minutes at a clip – and then laughed at how crazy we looked, running all over the place, yelling to each other from room to room, and getting things done.
And then, all in one day, we went to see a movie, grabbed some yummies from our fave local bakery, and popped into an Asian market to grab a bunch of snacks and new foods to try with Erick when we got home.
I didn't stress about the unplanned expenses. I didn't worry about how or if I would come up with the money for the things I needed. I didn't let myself dwell on the potentially spiraling upset. I remembered that it was more important to do the very thing I wanted my daughter to grow up doing.
I sought joy.
I looked for wildlife – those creatures that don't know a fraction of what we humans do, and they thrive – and saw it. I watched intently and absorbed their behaviors, sounds, and songs.
I went outside at night and looked up to the skies – mystified by how many stars I could see. I didn't use an app to point out what was what. I didn't hunt for specific constellations. I simply admired the awe-inspiring vastness of our universe.
I tasted chocolate slowly, so I could realllllly enjoy it. We're talking about a tiny bite melting in my mouth, consciously avoiding letting it disappear too quickly. Can you believe there's something on this planet that tastes so heavenly?
I gave my undivided attention to my amazing, hilarious, wonderful daughter. I asked her questions and fully listened to her answers without feeling the need to respond, correct, or share my opinions unless she asked me to. I asked her to ask me things and trust that no matter what, I would be honest with her always. We laughed, and we cried, and we laughed so hard we cried. Connecting with her is the most incredible thing I get to do.
And I was able to come back and face this week head-on. I was able to get things done today. I am confident knowing that I can get through anything if I allow myself to process the way I have been (though it wouldn't hurt to try to skip that step 1… lol)
How do you do it? What do you struggle with when dealing with life's whammies?
